


Affair

by julie_chii



Series: Black Out [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: For #FID8, Incest, Infidelity, M/M, Marauders era, Remus-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 14:29:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7980046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julie_chii/pseuds/julie_chii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Remus, Sirius was never his.<br/>Dedicated for FID #8</p>
            </blockquote>





	Affair

**Author's Note:**

> Harry Potter © J. K. Rowling
> 
> Dedicated for Fujoshi/Fudanshi Independence Days #8

Sirius was a black haired sulky boy.

Among the other new students, the one who caught Remus’ attention the most is a certain black-haired boy; handsome, tall, and confident. His posture relaxed with one hand inside his pocket and the confidence in his expression was bordering arrogance. Remus learned his name was Sirius Black when Professor McGonagall called him to be sorted.

 _Gryffindor_ , the hat shouted.

The boy… Sirius’ face paled for a second before his jaw clenched with determination. He then walked to the Gryffindor’s table with pride, ignoring the murmur of the older students, his robe started to be painted with red. Some which Remus could catch were _The Black Heir_ , _Dark Wizard_ , and many others. Remus had lived in muggle world, therefore he didn’t understand the problem why it’s such a matter if Sirius Black was sorted to Gryffindor House.

Remus’ name was called and he was sorted into Gryffindor. He then took a seat next to Sirius. He smiled at the black-haired boy and introduced himself, which was only responded by Sirius with a nod and self-introduction – _Yes, hello, I am Sirius Black. Nice to meet you, Lupin_.

The two of them were joined by James Potter and Peter Pettigrew not long after that. James Potter was a nice boy, with charming smile and personality, and Peter Pettigrew was a small and shy boy. Once the sorting was done, Professor Dumbledore the Headmaster started his opening speech. After that the festive began.

All of the students enjoyed their supper with gusto. Remus wasn’t surprised, the food was delicious. But then his eyes caught Sirius playing with his meal. The black-haired boy looked bored and sulky –his supporting hand propped his chin, and his mouth’s pouting.

Remus carelessly asked, “Why are you not eating?”

Sirius separated his supporting hand from his chin then blink at Remus. A second later Sirius shrugged and answered curtly, “I miss home.”

Remus didn’t persist.

Some people had things they were not comfortable to share, especially to stranger. _Remus_ knew, as he also had secrets that he couldn’t divulge to just anybody. So he left Sirius and his problem alone. Sirius’ problem wasn’t his.

Sirius was his dorm mate.

Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus were placed in the same room. While James looked as the type that could easily adapting to a new environment, the rest were not. However, it seemed Remus has underestimated James. The boy could pull the rest from their insecurities and befriend them easily.

Remus then learned about Peter and James pretty fast. But Sirius, Remus never knew about Sirius. He might know that Sirius is a goofy boy, who sometimes could be sulky, or obnoxious, or mischievous. But other than that superficiality, Remus knew nothing –about his home that he missed or his family. Hilariously, Remus learned about Sirius’ family situation later from gossips and rumors. Sirius’ family, Black Family, was pureblood –the noble and the highest cast of Wizarding World. From generation to generation they had always been sorted in to Slytherin –at least until Sirius broke the traditions. And apparently Sirius was ignored by his family members while in Hogwarts –the senior students from _Slytherin_.

One day, Remus saw Sirius at bed, smiling tenderly while reading a letter. A private letter, Remus assumed, since the black-haired boy take a trouble to read it in the privacy of their dorm and bed. It was the very first time Remus saw Sirius smiled that soft and tender. Albeit he only knew Sirius for a small amount of time, Remus’ image of Sirius’ smile was broad, lively, and brass.

“Who’s the letter from?”

Remus couldn’t contain his curiosity and asked, startling Sirius from his trance. Sirius’ tender smile broke, replaced with the one Remus familiar with. Sirius shrugged while folding the letter carefully, treating it as if a treasure.

_What is it that Sirius treasured? Who is it from that makes Sirius treasure it?_

Remus never knew, not until next year.

Sirius was his best friend

The boy was Sirius look-alike, Regulus Black that’s it, with his black hair and confidence. But unlike Sirius, Regulus was less tall, less sullen, and less arrogant. Actually, in Remus’ eyes, the boy seemed fragile in general, that with a single push or shove the boy’s confidence would be easily shattered.

 _Slytherin_ , the hat shouted after it’s placed on Regulus’ head.

 _Slytherin, hm_ , thought Remus. For a second Remus felt sympathy for the boy. Can the younger Black survive in that snake pit? For a second he was afraid for the boy behalf, of his innocence gone because of the Slytherin’s influence.

Once the hat was removed, Regulus glanced at the Gryffindor table–at Sirius. It was subtle, but since Remus had been observing the boy from the start he could recognize it. Remus witnessed the boy’s looking for reaction and approval from Sirius. Remus, who was also curious of Sirius’s reaction, glanced from his peripheral and saw Sirius smiled with a tenderness he remembered from previous year. In that smile Remus saw pride, acceptance, and affection.

Sirius would continue to love Regulus even if they were placed in different place, opposite-in-nature place.

Envy blossomed in Remus’ heart.

An unconditional love like that, he wished for the same.

But an ugly emotion it was, it should be made disappear. Remus tried, really. But fate decided that he should always witness the secret interaction of the Black Brothers. As in an unwritten rule, _Slytherin_ and _Gryffindor_ couldn’t befriend each other, Sirius and Regulus was taking their quality time secretly. Once Remus saw them had a picnic near the Black Lake, and the other day he accidentally saw Sirius tutored his little brother at the library.

 _Well_ , blood is thicker than water, Remus tried to justify. A love between siblings should be unconditional. And as Sirius’ friend, he really should try to be happy for him.

Sirius was his lover.

Remus was Sirius’ first male lover.

The black-haired boy was a notorious skirt-chaser, a playboy through and through. Sirius’ tendency to play around with women started in their fourth year, a very normal age for a boy to become curious of the opposite sex –James, Remus, and Peter were also interested on women but they never as bad as Sirius.

Anyway, Sirius’ behavior created a gap in his relationship with Regulus, Remus thought. To make time with women, Sirius cut off his time with Regulus. It saddened Remus, but at the same time relieved him. He no longer needed to see their _lovely_ time at the library nor black lake, and no longer he needed to feel the hateful envy he carried. No longer he needed to feel pity toward himself.

Remus was fulfilled.

“Hey,” called Sirius one day. “Hey, Remus.”

Remus didn’t voice his response, only looked up to see Sirius gazing outside the window from the opposite seat. The gaze was so longing Remus could guess the intended object. Then that gaze moved toward Remus, changing from soft and wistful longing into a sharp predatory one.

“Can I kiss you?”

Remus could feel his face heating. “W-what?” he sputtered.

Sirius chuckled. “Don’t be that surprised, Remus,” he drawled. “I am just curious how it feels to kiss a man. If you don’t want to, just say no.”

Remus read between the lines. Sirius was not only curious about kissing a man, he was curious of kissing a certain someone. And that someone definitely not him. Remus was no more than substitute. Thus his first thought was to say no, however a whisper told him that it might be his chance to have those love for himself.

Before Remus could think it through, his mouth has formed an answer. “Sure,” he said.

Sirius smirked.

There was no gentleness when Sirius put his hand on Remus’, or when he pulled it toward him. There was only urgency when Sirius put his hand on Remus’ nape, brought their face closer. Once their lips met in hurried motion, Remus wasn’t even focusing on the sensation of the kiss but how different it was from the way Sirius kissed Regulus.

More than once Remus had witnessed Sirius putting his lips on Regulus’ cheek, temple, and forehead.  So gentle, so tender, so unlike this kiss he had with Sirius which was so passionate and hungry. Remus couldn’t decide which one was better, which one he was actually prefer.

Since that kiss, he and Sirius were going steady. Sirius was no longer being a skirt chaser. _A redeemed man_ , quoting James. But above all, which relieved Remus the most was the fact that Sirius was no longer seeing Regulus.

Remus could confidently say that Sirius was exclusively his.

Sirius was his.

Remus was happy. He and Sirius had been in a relationship for more than a year, nearing two years. At those times, Sirius’ attention was solely on Remus. Often their intimacy was teased by James, saying that only Remus could make _a Sirius_ committed.

Remus recognized a fallacy on James’ words but choose to ignore it.

_You are not the only one loved._

It had been two years. He ought not to be threatened by the absence of Regulus’ presence.

“Hey,” called Sirius. “Hey, Remus.”

He was reading on bed, laying on his front, when Sirius came in and draped himself on Remus’ back.

“Yes, Sirius?” Remus said, eyes still following sentences in the book.

“Let’s have a date on the next Hogsmeade visit,” answered Sirius excitedly.

Remus felt Sirius placing butterfly kisses on his neck between words. It tickled and Remus giggled, successfully distracting him from his reading. Sirius smirked on Remus’s nape, then the black-haired boy turned his boyfriend around, making the two of them face-to-face.

“C’mon, Remus,” said Sirius in husky voice and sparkly eyes.

Before Remus could say anything, that they always had a date on every Hogsmeade visit, Sirius continued his ministration on Remus’ body. Kisses on neck went up to cheek, temple, nose, every inch of Remus’ face before ended on the lips. And the ticklish feeling had changed into arousal. The teasing kisses had become passionate.

So focus Remus on Sirius’ kiss, he didn’t realize when Sirius slipped a ring on his ring finger. He only saw it when Sirius lifted their entangled hands and a glint of light reflected on the ring’s surface caught his eyes.

Remus was so surprised he could say no words. He knew he needed to say something, anything. His throat felt clogged and the only sound produced was strangled. Finally, Remus opted to only stared at Sirius, trying to convey the depth of his feeling, his happiness, through his gaze.

Sirius smiled and brought Remus’ hand to his lips. “I love you,” he said tenderly on Remus’ skin, solemnly with closed eyes.

Hearing that words, Remus felt his chest tightened. _Finally_ , he thought. _Finally_. Believing without a doubt that Sirius had spoken about him. Without a thought of who Sirius was actually seeing behind his eyelids, nor the real person that words was intended to.

Sirius had an affair.

One time Remus and Sirius went to library and coincidentally seating in front of Regulus. One time he was hurrying down the hall and passed Regulus, and the younger boy gave him an indescribable look. One time he saw a glint of bronze bangle on Regulus’ feet. After more or less two years without worrying Regulus’ presence, the three times the boy caught his attention were overwhelming enough to make Remus anxious.

After all these times, why now?

“Hey,” called Sirius. “Hey, Remus!”

Remus turned around and saw Sirius walked out from the junction of the hallway. The black haired boy looked happy, a grin painted his face and his figure relaxed. Remus wanted to smile back, but before he could he saw Regulus appeared from the same corner Sirius coming from, and immediately Remus felt sick.

“Remus?” Sirius worried.

Regulus walked toward their direction, looking straight with unwavering eyes as if there was no one but him in the long hallway. However, for a split second, Remus could feel the fleeting gaze of the Slytherin on them. Then as the boy passed the two Gryffindors, Remus heard the jingle of a bangle—the bronze bangle he had glimpsed before.

Remus wanted to believe that Sirius and Regulus walked out from the same direction was no more than coincidence. He wanted to believe that the reappearance of Regulus on his peripheral didn’t have any connection to Sirius. However, as he looked up, he saw how Sirius’ burning gaze was fixated on Regulus’ figure. At that moment Remus realized—

—Sirius was never his.

**END**


End file.
